Relaxed Parenting

There comes a time when parents wonder what we have done right or wrong. The answer is, you will never really know for sure.

So many factors come into play when we parent. The person we are, the values we live by and the condition of our hearts and minds.

I look at a Singaporean couple who have similarly migrated to Toronto and whose three sons have done extremely well, two of whom made it to medical schools and the other one topped his cohort in his area of study. Many, like myself will envy them and ask ourselves, "What have they done right?"

Parenting is a high-risk venture. When we carry the child, the pregnant mom can only ensure what she eats benefits the child. A lot of the other factors are quite beyond her control. The child's looks, the child's temperaments, the child's tendencies are questions she will not have an answer to. Parenting is always on hindsight.

Personally, one of the greatest achievement that I have done will be to take my children out from a highly stressful environment to one which truly enriches them overall. Given the bigger physical space, cooler weather and less stressful school environment, they have a lot of opportunities to develop other interests. They love the outdoors now because here in Canada, despite having the sun, we experience relatively cooler weather all year round. There is so much space for camps, games and other forms of recreational activities.

I, as a parent too, is so much more relaxed. I now pursue my own interest without having to worry too much if they can make it academically. There are so many platforms for my children to explore and excel. Richness is being able to experience life multifacted. As a parent, you love to hear them discussing their experiences of the camping trip or the activities they help to organize in a youth group. When they do well and announce they have scored high 90's, I will definitely high-five them.

As immigrant children, my teenagers have learnt to think very hard before spend their money, so they do exercise a lot of constraints material-wise. Nonethless, mentally, socially and physically as a family or as invidual member, we are definitly faring better. When we, as parents do well mentally, socially and physically, our children do even better. So, as parents, if you think you are too caught up and not coping with the competitive races you are currently engaged in, your mood swings and your reactions do not only affect your own health but that of your children. As parents, think simply, if there is too much for you to handle, let go of some. Let us not be greedy. Many a time, you can't have the cake and eat it and eat it all the time. Some things have to go. That's why I firmly believe that we are travellers and traders on this earth. Travelling to pick up opportunities to enrich ourselves and others. Trading off things with less eternal significance for things that do really count.

Had I been crippled by the fear of the BIG move, nothing would have changed. At least for now, every setback in terms of hardship in the beginning, has turned out to be a Blessing In Disguise.

Please stay tuned for write-ups on the colleges that Channel Education (Journey2Canada LLP) represents in the following weeks.

Mitra Ricky - Story #7

Schools

Mitra went to Princess Elizabeth Primary School and Bukit Batok Secondary School.

When she was in primary school, she enjoyed life to the fullest. "Fun" was what mattered to her most then.

When she was in secondary school, it was not all play. She was taught what life was, truly and really. She was being prepared to think for her future and to plan ahead, as she began to realize that many a time, when a decision is made, we don't and cannot do a "U turn". She had at one time or another done badly for her exams and the pain that she suffered from the setback helped her treasure and cherish the sweetness of the subsequent success. She used to take Higher Tamil, one of her favorite subjects, at the Umar Pulavar Tamil Language Centre. She is still active in this school by helping out with the events as she feels that it was like a second home to her, where she got to use her mother tongue. She had lots of fun from her co-curricular activities (library and media club) and had forged excellent friendships with both her schoolmates and teachers. She was really close to her teachers, such as Mr Latiff, Mrs Alvin, Mr Andy Lee and Miss Kavitha Channdra, whom she respected a lot. She said she was one of the "lucky" group who got to enjoy the facilities of the newly refurbished state-of-the-art campus.  Overall,  she concludes that her days at Bukit Batok Secondary School were truly her best years so far.

Mitra, who is now 17, is eagerly awaiting to start school at  Ngee Ann Polytechnic to pursue a course in child psychology and early education, to help prepare her in realising her ambition as an allied educator.

Family

Mitra is the elder child and her parents are in their early fifties. Being illiterate themselves, her parents place significant importance on their children's education. To them, having a good education is the first step to a richer life.

Her dad has always taught them to give, without expecting anything in return and mum always emphasizes the need to get along with others. Mitra cherishes those Sunday mornings spent having breakfast at the coffee shops with her family. Her relatives and cousins included, are like gems to her as they are always just a phone call away from her, laughing with her during the good times and supporting her during the not so good times.

Dad's fatigue and sweat from work motivates Mitra to work hard in her studies. Mum has always tried to meet her request for toys and clothes, even though it was financially a strain to do so. But, dad and mum were strict with her too, as she was allowed to go out with her friends, only from the age of 16. Nonethless, Mitra is thankful and proud to be their daughter.

I asked Mitra if she would like to have a different sort of childhood. She sincerely felt that her kind of childhood was all that she wanted. Her childhood was mostly spent in Bishan and she had all her cousins to play with. Though simple, she treasures every moment of it, especially those times she spent playing on the swing at the playground. Till today, she has fond memories of it.

Mitra with her cousins, she is right in the middle

Lesson
I asked Mitra what was the most memorable lesson she had learnt. Her reply was this. "Not to take studies for granted and that education is really very important." She explained that during the holidays, she went to work as a packer to help her family financially. She learnt how difficult the job was and empathised with the plight of many who do not have a good educational background, which brought her appreciation for her dad to a deeper level. She began to feel her dad's struggle and pain, the price with which he paid to bring about the smiles on his children's face. Every dad is an extraordinary dad who strives to put bread on the table for the family.

Personality

So what is Mitra's personality like? To her, life as a teenager was initially frightening as it meant entering into the adult world in a matter of years. Yet, it has proven to be an amazing journey so far. Her hobbies? She loves to sing songs, listen to music and write poems. When she is angry, she writes poems, listen to and sings songs to defuse her anxiety. Mitra feels that she is growing up to become a very versatile person and she is someone who dares to give a shot at trying new things. I asked Mitra what she would do to someone whom she dislikes. She said typically, humans, when provoked, have a desire to get back at the other person. Instead of exacerbating the situation, she would rather leave the source of conflict and utter a prayer that she will not be bothered by it anymore. She even wished them well. "It may seem so fake but seriously, those who know me will understand that I mean what I have just said," Mitra explained.

To understand Mitra better, I asked her if she liked to be famous. She replied, "It is always nice to be recognized but at the same time, it is very pressurising as any little action by me could create a stir and become the centre of discussions."

I went on to ask if she has a chance to impact another person, what would it be? She said it would be to remind them not to neglect their parents who have suffered to give them a good life.

Money wise, Mitra is thrifty and frugal. Young as she may be, she saves for times of emergency. Occasionally, she indulges by buying stuff for her family and friends on their birthdays.

Mitra's favourite food is Seafood Chilli Crab and Tom Yam Soup and her favourite books are Dead Beautiful and Angels and Demons.

Well, of course, being the founder of Journey2Canada, I ended my interview  with a question. Has she been to Canada? She said she has been to Thailand, India and Malaysia but not Canada. She would love to come and dreams of visiting the Niagara Falls.

May Mitra's dream come true!

Mitra, with her friends, she is the girl in the middle, holding the Physics tectbook

Seth Hwang - Story #6

The impression I have about Seth is that he is a very faithful Protestant Christian. He tells me that his name "Seth" was given to him by his parents and was taken from the Bible. Seth is the name of the third son of Adam and Eve and it means compensation. In fact, he was the replacement of Abel who was killed by Cain. He says it symbolises fixing and putting things right.

He firmly believes too that God has been leading him on his trajectory through life. He says as he loves aeroplanes and fixing LEGO, his mum advised him to take up a Diploma in Aerospace Electronics in the polytechnic. Yet, he doesn't see himself having a career in this field. It was after some time that he discovers his real passion and so he is now pursuing a degree in Psychology at James Cook University, Singapore branch.

Understanding the thinking processes of humans and how it affects human behaviour is an intricate matter. He feels that he is the biggest beneficiary of the course. Through the process of learning, he acquires the skills of interacting well with people and gather a deeper understanding of himself. He is thankful he made a bend into the Polytechnic, which helped him foster many friendships and most importantly leading him to his present girlfriend, whom he loves. Other than the exams and assignments, he has had a wonderful path through life.

What is 23 year-old Seth's philosophy to life and his future? He said, to him, it does not matter what profession he is in or the amount of net worth he has. More importantly, he wants to enjoy what he is doing. In fact, Seth feels that in this world, there are just too many people who for the sake of money, are doing things they do not like. Contrary to Jessie J's Price Tag, Seth believes that life is not about the money.

As G.K. Chesterton once said, "Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain but from being weary of pleasure."

So what if you get all the money in this world?

The fundamental questions to ask ourselves are, "Why are we here?" "What is our purpose in life?" and "What does living really mean?" Going through the process of arriving at the right answers to these questions leads us to wisdom and confidence to deal with issues in life.

Since Seth has such rich thoughts about life, I probed further. I asked him what he would do if he has a million dollars. He replied, "We can do a lot of things with one million dollars. I will get a house, a car and settle down immediately after finishing my studies."

Then, he reverted to his philosophical self. He qualified his earlier statement by reiterating the fact that he is learning and is still learning to be contented, which can be a huge challenge in a society soaked in "consumerism". Nonetheless, he is now striving to be thankful in contentment. To Seth, the thing that gives us the greatest satisfaction, cannot be bought with money.

I went on to ask Seth to describe himself. He used two words, namely, simple and easygoing. He believes in the joy and art of living less and yet enjoying more of life.

He reminisced the memorable day he completed his National Service. The sight of his pink identification card (IC), after having surrendered it at enlistment for 2 years, gave him unimaginable feeling. The memories of the bitter-sweet training formed a kaleidoscope and he froze in that moment of recollection of all the fond friendships forged with friends who went through thick and thin together. To him, his days in the National Service was an awesome journey of growth. The sweetener came in the form of the companionship of his girlfriend who stood by him when the going was really tough for him.

The completion of National Service is his greatest achievement in life as this period of transition into adulthood was something that has helped shape him into the responsible person he is today. To Seth, he calls himself a man only because he knows how to care for and protect his loved ones.

I got Seth to reveal the best part of his education journey. He said it was during his days in the Polytechnic. As he was 17 then, he has to manage his freedom and choices, a process which helped him build an awesome lot of friendships, which could possibly last for a long long time.

Naturally, I fielded Seth a typical interview question. What was his ambition? He responded, "My ambition is to work in an environment where I can help people. To me, nothing is actually more fulfilling than to see someone whom you have helped find his/her purpose in life and live it out. "

Being the founder of Channel Education and writer of Journey2Canada, I can't help but to ask if he has been to Canada. He said he has not but would love to do so someday. One of his good friends is studying here in Canada and is likely to carry on staying on permanently after graduation. He said the scenery is beautiful, especially the snow in winter, which he hopes to have the opportunity to experience.

This is what I want to tell Seth. Yes, indeed, Canada is  a beautiful place and its arms are certainly wide open to welcome a solid person like him!

Nurul Nadia - Story #5

Nurul Nadia, the story of whom I hope will stir a good number of people in Singapore.

Although she had her apprehension initially, she is now honestly excited that she is being featured in Journey2Canada. She is excited not for glory but more for the fact that teenagers will learn, many people have the same issues in life and she wants them to know she is one such example. She wants them to know that somehow, in one way or another, everyone has somewhat similar struggles and how they can learn to rise up above all the difficulties that seem to drown them.

"Everyone has somewhat similar problems, rise up above them!"

When I asked Nadia who her favorite teacher was, she said it was Mrs Chong from her primary school. Mrs Chong appears to have a very hard exterior, such as she doesn't like to get emotional and intimate with students. But like they say action speaks louder than words. What touches Nadia most about Mrs Chong is that she shows her love by practically helping her students in need, be it academically or emotionally.

I asked Nadia if she would rather be hardworking or smart. Typically, for such controversial questions, people will take a neutral stand and give a politically correct answer. I like how Nadia took a stand on it. She said she would rather be hardworking. She said we learn through hardship and the life lessons picked up will stay with us for life. She can reminisce the precious memories of past experience and help her move forward in life refreshed and renewed.

So what were the memories of school like for her? She told me she made many new friends when she was in primary school and they have kept their friendship till today. She felt that streaming them into top and normal classes added a fair amount of stress. Co-curricular activities wise, she started learning Malay Dance when she was in primary school, which grew into a liking and then into a passion. When she was in secondary school, she learnt to be more independent in her learning and her passion for Dance intensified as she had the privilege of representing her school in performances at the Esplanade. The wealth she got from some experiences is immeasurable and unspeakable.

 

Dance, to her is an art and she firmly believes that mastering the art of Dance requires dedication and skill. In order to dance with such finesse she does today, Nadia puts in many hours of practice, practice and more practice. With such dedication, Nadia is naturally selected to represent her secondary school and polytechnic in various performances outside of school. Even though it is evident that Nadia has the talent, she would rather humbly admits that it is through many hours of hard work that she is the dancer she is today and she hopes to see herself further refining her skills.

Nadia is currently working part-time as a retail associate at Uniqlo, Somerset in Singapore. I asked her how does working part-time help her and if it affects her in any way. She feels that working part-time has helped improve her independence and sharpen her skills in time management. She learns to be more self-reliant and to be accepting of criticisms. Working in the retail industry has given her ample opportunities to interact with strangers and being exposed to all types of personality has taught her not to pre-judge anyone. Someone who appears not wanting to buy may end up buying whereas someone who appears eager to buy may end up not buying.

Nadia has this to add. It is not easy to cope with both work and study at the same time, especially initially. Nonetheless, Nadia believes that with enough self-discipline and proper time management, the difficulty can be overcome. What's more, she gets to gain a fair bit of financial freedom as well.

Nadia comes from a single parent family. Her mother works 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, just to make ends meet. Mum has to take care of the bills, put food on the table, ensure the utilities and rental for the flat are paid on time. Nadia is working part-time to lighten some of that load for Mum. Each morning, without fail, Mum would hug and kiss Nadia and brother lovingly before they head for school. She will not show even a hint of her own troubles and heartaches, just so that Mum can see the  the smiles on her children's faces. Her resources may be limited, but Nadia's mum wants her children to be happy, so she will provide for them in whatever possible ways she can afford. Mum's affable personality has taught Nadia that whatever happens, there is always a rainbow after the rain. Mum is the one person she respects and cherishes the most.

Nadia seems to have a busy life. She goes to school five days a week and work on Saturdays and Sundays. The only time left for leisure will be the time after school, that is, if it ends early. She typically spends it at home to rest or hang out with close friends to shop or go to the movies.

Everything happens for a reason, this is what Nadia says about her childhood.  She loved both her parents and did not want to lose either of them, but because of the constant fights, her uncles, who took care of her brother and her, had to hide them in their room. She lived in perpetual fear that something bad would happen. Finally, Nadia did not get what she wished for. Her parents parted ways when she was only 12.

Nadia, who is turning 18 this year is pursuing a Diploma in Mass Media Management at the Nanyang Polytechnic in Singapore. The course is a good springboard to help her launch a career in the media industry. It will be a dream come true for her as she had always wanted to be a movie director since she was young. 

When I asked Nadia if she has a chance to study in Canada, would she like to give it a try? She was very candid with her response. She said she would certainly take the opportunity. She further qualifies that it would surely have to lead to a better future for her. Her area of interest is in Languages and the Arts and naturally, she hopes to pursue a course of study in these areas here, if the opportunity avails itself.

Nadia has many best friends, friends who have held her hands, friends who have seen her through her difficulties, friends who understand and friends who have opened up her horizons when she could not see the light in the tunnel. Nadia reciprocates their love for her in the same manner she has received it. This is precisely the reason why she is so dear to her friends.

 

To know Nadia better, I decided to ask her what is her favorite quote. It was simply, "To each his own". She respects the individual and firmly believes that every individual's opinion has to be respected.

Personally, I feel that Nadia is an over-comer. She is not afraid to share about her fears growing up in a broken family. It must have taken her so much courage to do so. I am proud that Nadia has risen above her imperfect condition and stand tall today. The next time we see the graceful Nadia dancing on stage, we know she has come to terms with her past and her beauty shines through.

Danielle Lee - Story #4

Danielle, in her early twenties, is an international student at the Ryerson University in Toronto pursuing a degree in business management with a major in finance. She is a 2nd year student, concurrently taking 3rd year courses.

As Toronto has a very diversified population, she gets to meet a good mix of students from all over the world, from South Africa to Korea to China to America to Australia to India to Columbia. Basically, Singaporeans in Toronto recognize each other not by how we look but by how we punctuate our conversations with "lors" "lahs" "hor" and "lehs", which are not found in the English dictionary as yet. As such, Danielle is very conscious in avoiding the usage of our Singaporean "jargons" when she converses with her friends here in Toronto.

She misses Hokkien Mee, Roti Prata, Katong Laksa a lot and in her search for Singapore food, she found in the food courts and Chinese restaurants here in Toronto, a dish, by the name of "Singapore Noodles". She was thrilled at her "discovery" but to her surprise, it was simply stir-fried seafood vermicelli with tumeric powder, which was miles apart from her imagination. So, in order to overcome her cravings, Danielle got her family to buy her pre-mix sauce packs from Singapore, for example, Curry, Tom Yam soups, Hainanese Chicken Rice. Then she found out that the Chinese grocery supermarkets also sell them too, so she bought them here.

However, she still misses Singapore's authentic Katong Laksa. So, again, she got her family to buy her instant laksa Maggie noodles (Prima Taste) and this time, she feels it was the closest she could get to the standard of her fantasy. Here is a picture of Danielle's creation of a "made-do" Laksa, Singapore style. (It looks so tantalizing, doesn't it?)

Notwithstanding her longing for all the irresistible Singapore food, she will still encourage Canada as a destination. Coming from a country with summer weather all year round, having a drastic switch to a place with 4 seasons is an awesome experience. She gets to wear fall/winter gears, such as coats, gloves, winter boots, hats, scarfs, ear muffs etc.

For now, watching weather channel CP24 and planning ahead are part of Danielle's daily routine. She likes Canada for its space and she gets to explore lots of nature and its history. She has been to the Niagara Region and Montreal she hopes to travel to Banff and Prince Edward Island next, then to Quebec and Vancouver. In mini-Switzerland, Banff, she hopes to visit the Rockies and to canoe at Lake Louise.

Is Danielle brand conscious? Well, I would think she is more value-conscious. She says she buys branded stuff only because the quality is better. She is a patron of Gap, Banana Republic, Club Manaco and Juicy Couture, which are found in most major shopping malls in Toronto. They say when you take care of the penny, the dollar takes care of itself. So, for Danielle, if the item she wants to get is not on sale or "sale on top of sale" then she will wait it out. She said she has been pretty lucky in getting good values for money. She managed to get a couple of Banana Republic and Club Manaco party dresses worth CAD$200 for less than CAD$20!

So what was Danielle's upbringing like? I asked her if she wants the latest of everything, like iphone, ipad mini etc., she said she is not a trendsetter. She is always contented with whatever she has and when it comes to the release of the latest gadgets, she will only contemplate to get it if she needs it. She doesn't think it is cool just to have it, like most young people. She credits this to her parents who have taught her and her 3 younger siblings to be prudent with their money and she feels that being the eldest child, she has the responsibility to be a good role model to her younger siblings.

Danielle is the girl with the striped skirt.

So, what were her secondary school days like? She attended Zhonghua Secondary School. She was more active when she was in Secondary 3 to 5. She remembered her Accounts teacher asking the class to try starting their own business. Danielle and her friends came together and actually succeeded in converting an idea into reality. They got items from a supplier on consignment basis and sold plastic bottles, cell phone charms, desktop wrist support and for a reasonably good profit!

She was a researcher for her class in an inter-class debate and participant in an inter-class competition. In that competition, her class had to build a "water bottle rocket" which could travel the longest distance. Her class came in second. Being part of the Dance Club, she also experienced the joy of achieving a Silver in the Singapore Youth Festival for 2 years. Her secondary school days were memorable and filled with fun.

But it was not just fun throughout. She appreciated her teachers' care for her and every help given to her in her studies. She remembered that during her O Levels preparation months, even the Vice Principal personally coached her and her friends in math. It is no wonder that, even though she has left the school for some years now, she still visited her teachers every Teachers' Day, right up to the time she has to leave Singapore to Canada.

After Zhonghua Secondary School, she went on to Temasek Polytechnic, where she studied Business, specialising in Banking and Finance. She was in the main committee for the Faculty of Diploma in Business. In her role as a committee member, she had the opportunity to do event planning and organize fund raising activities. Besides, she was also cheerleading under the flagship of TP Blazers.

Let us talk about the mid to long term plans of Danielle. In 5 years, upon graduation from Ryerson University, Danielle sees herself as a Relationship Manager managing a portfolio of small to large corporate clients. She has assisted Relationship Managers during her intership and after graduation from Temasek Polytechnic. She learnt how the marketing department has to liase with other departments, such as the operations, compliance and legal departments.

Longer term, Danielle hopes to start her own business. Doing her own business allows her to do what she loves most and to make decisions for the company. She has actually started penning down ideas and is constantly looking at how to improve on those ideas. She is greatly influenced by her dad who had started his own business 14 years ago and whose business is thriving.

So, the most pertinent question I have for Danielle was, "Where will she choose? Singapore or Canada? She said she is still exploring both options. She wants to take a professional designation, but in order to do that she had to gain some work experience. So upon graduation from university, she hopes to work in Canada to gain exposure in the Banking industry. She is thankful for the opportunity that Ryerson has given to her and would like to give back to Canadian society by working here. Similarly, if there is an opportunity in Singapore and which can allow her to value add to the her home country, she will not hesitate to return. 

Lastly, Danielle wants to share that she was really awed by her experience of learning ice skating in December last year and it was something she had always thought of picking up ever since she was a teenager. She was so motivated that she got herself a pair of ice skates to practise.

Let us wish Danielle every success not just in her ice skating but also her journey here in Canada.

Ken - Story #3

Blessing in Disguise
Ken, is currently studying Design for Interactivity in the School of Technology for the Arts at the Republic Polytechnic of Singapore. He is also into his final year and looking forward to his graduation. Actually, this has not been the ideal course of study for Ken. He didn't perform as well as he had hoped for in the GCE O Level exams and he did not have the luxury of choosing what he had wanted to study at the Polytechnic. Nonetheless, a second chance has surprisingly turned out to be a blessing in disguise for him. He loves the course and enjoys the creativity, flexibility, versatility and adaptibility that the design course teaches.

Use

Ken does not have any ambition. Despite being only 23, Ken thinks really deeply. To him, a life well used is his ambition. Yes, indeed, "A life not used, a life wasted." He believes that a life that helps change and touch the lives of others is a life well used, a life that will leave a lasting legacy with the people it has touched.

Use is the opposite of waste. Don't waste your tears, don't waste your experiences. Use them to help others, use them to help us transform for the better. Ken wants to use his experiences, be it traumatic or painful, by sharing with others. He wants to share his story so that his listeners and readers can avoid making the mistakes he made and avoid taking the wrong paths he took. He has said, "I understand" countless times to many youths and friends whom he has counselled. What makes him so convincing is the fact that he has been through those same struggles and pains himself.

Here is one of the examples of what he has been through. He did really well when he was in primary school but when he entered secondary school, things turned for the worse. He had to spend long hours travelling and hang out a lot more after school. He got to know a group of friends who influenced him into becoming a rebellious kid. All these contributed to his drop in grades. Despite being only 13, he wanted to carry the weight of the whole world upon his shoulders. He even started dating prematurely and as he was too young to handle the emotions involved in a serious boy-girl relationship, he got really distracted. It was through the crisis of a break-up that he experienced the love of his brothers and sisters in church who has rendered him the emotional support that he so badly needed during that difficult period.

Heart-Wrenching Experience
Ken once read a book, "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. This book changed his thinking and understanding of his purpose in life and set him pondering about his actions and decisions. It talks about how a man defers from a woman. He once applied the principles learnt from the book to help resolve a major crisis at home. Although no details have been given, this particular incident almost caused his family to fall apart. Anger, frustration, pain and confusion mingled with tears that overflowed. As a Protestant Christian, he felt that his faith in God has given him the wisdom to soften his brother, the patience to provide a listening ear to his mum and the love to comfort his dad. Through this heart-wrenching episode, his family was brought back together and he was thankful that though painful, it has been a blessing in disguise.

Snapshots of Ken's childhood and his personality

He has been brought up in a traditional Chinese home and his parents are the people who influenced him the most. His parents' actions definitely play an important part in influencing him into the person he is today. Ken feels that a few of his teachers have also impacted his lives, to help formulate his passions in life.

I asked Ken what makes him happy. He surprised me with his answer. He said he is glad when he experiences love and when he sees love in action. On the flip side, being misunderstood is what will weigh on him. Seriously, these days, it's certainly hard to find a youth whose happiness is predicated on the intangibles.

When I asked him what he does in his free time, he says he runs, plays ball games, billiard, the piano, the keyboard, guitar, bass drums and spends quality time with his friends. Given the stressful life in Singapore, he also spends time planning how to rise above the stress and how to carve out his future in light of the situation in Singapore.

Finally, he feels that he is at the stage of discovering himself. He is certainly glad that he has been able to become more level-headed and even-tempered over the years. He often finds himself stepping into the shoes of other people and when he finds a reason to stand up for the disadvantaged party, he will not hesitate to take up the issue on their behalf. Doesn't he deserve to be called our very own Robin Hood Ken of Singapore? I'm sure many of his friends whom he has "rescued" will give me a definite "yes"!

Ethan Lou - Story # 2

He is Ethan Lou. Amazing Ethan. 

But who is he really? 

He is a person who perseveres and he shows his determination through his attitude in his work. 

I got to know him by chance. He "caught" my post on the wall of a facebook page. He wanted to find out the story behind my post. He sent me a message on facebook. I did not bother to answer as there were many other people who also wanted to find out the story behind my post. But Ethan never gave up, he emailed me. He was determined to find out. In the end, I decided only to tell the story to Ethan, whom I have chosen to meet. I was impressed by what he wrote in his email, "I am also in Toronto. I can UNDERSTAND how it feels to...." 

He is persistent in his own subtle ways, which does not offend. 

He is only 22 and he has experiences that many of us can only dream of.  Ethan had written several real-life stories and these stories were published in My Paper. He had the chance to work with many exceptional journalists and he had accumulated a wide range of writing experiences, from humor to sports, for charity organizations and of late, numerous high profile cases in Singapore.

However, it was not easy for him to get to the bottom of these stories. He went to two murder scenes, one, where a son killed the mother at Bukit Batok and the other at Bukit Merah, where a motorcycle salesman stabbed another http://www.asiaone.com/print/News/Latest%2BNews/Singapore/Story/A1Story20120531-349477.html Despite the deaths that occurred at the scenes of the murder, he was stoic, as he looked at them as part of his duties on the job. 

Not only is Ethan fearless, he is tireless. For the three months he worked for My Paper, he wrote close to sixty articles as he worked five days a week and did nearly an article a day.http://www.clippings.me/users/ethan


Among the most extraordinary stories covered  by him were the high profile "City Harvest - Kong Hee" http://www.asiaone.com/News/Latest+News/Singapore/Story/A1Story20120628-355832.html, "Ferrari driver - 8 fatalities" http://www.asiaone.com/News/Latest%2BNews/Singapore/Story/A1Story20120515-345945.html and SCDF Chief, Peter Lim Sin Pang's scandal http://www.asiaone.com/News/Latest%2BNews/Singapore/Story/A1Story20120607-350984.html


What I like about Ethan is that, despite having written so many articles for My Paper, he is totally unassuming. He considers his greatest achievement to be how some of his stories have brought about positive impact. Surprisingly, these are not the "glamorous" cases. Instead, it was the one he did on his last day with My Paper that brought him the most satisfaction. 

This was what happened. He was chasing a story on two shopping malls with signs that said construction workers were not allowed to use the toilet. It was a story he felt strongly about as he had to spend several hours at one of the shopping malls interviewing workers and the building management, who was totally taken by surprise. It was the fact that the signs were removed as a result of his action that gave Ethan a sense of achievement.

I asked Ethan, what he hoped to achieve in the future and why he wanted the achievement. There was so much depth in his reply to me. He said, "I don't want to let down the efforts of those who have helped me. Every milestone in my life, I attained it through the help of others, whether directly or indirectly... I don't need to actually succeed, but I need to try. If I were to just dwell on mediocrity and be satisfied, I feel like I would be doing a severe injustice to all the help I've received along the way." So, what he wants to achieve is not silver nor gold, not accumulation of wealth, not fame, but that of a grand, career defining story. This is so Ethan. A Ethan who values a good story, one who believes that in order to get a good story, one has to put the story before self and he very aptly puts it, "Nothing worthwhile comes without sacrifice".

If Ethan can survive 3 months travelling 6 countries on $1,000, how can accumulation of wealth be his goal in life? So when I asked him how he possibly travelled from Cambodia to Malaysia to Thailand to Vietnam to China to Taiwan on the meagre budget, he explained that he backpacked, travelled by buses, trains, boats from countries to countries, except for the last leg back home, he bought "the cheapest everything" and he was good at managing his money.


So, what are his favorites?

Firstly, his favorite author is the late Trevanian, the pen name of American author, Dr Rodney William Whitaker (12 June 1931-14 Dec 2005).http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/691.Trevanian 

Naturally, his favourite quote comes from the works of the late Trevanian, which says, "Their dishonour is not mine." He had lived by this quote as he felt that just because one has met with betrayal, it does not mean that he must treat others the same way he has been treated. He likened it to no matter how bad a day he had, he should not let his feelings affect that of others.

When I asked him who he respects the most, it is Antonio Salas, a Spanish journalist who infiltrated the neo-nazi organizations and Islamic terrorists. Antonio, who placed his job before self, experienced constant danger to his life in carrying out his arduous task. Ethan believed that it was through much sacrifice of Antonio, that Antonio wrote several stories that were bigger than the journalist himself.

Ethan gave me a little insight into his childhood. Of course, he loves his university days, but he feels that his best years were in secondary school. I guess, like most boys, he played a lot. He went to reasonably good schools and was mostly good in his studies. Although he claimed that he must have given his teachers headaches and never studied very hard in school, he has always been told that he has a lot of potential, of course, a lot more than what his grades had reflected back then. He still keeps really close contact with his secondary school friends.

When asked who was his favorite teacher, Ethan said there are just too many to name. Education to him helps to formulate a person, if not for his teachers, whom he respects a lot, he would be a different person now. Right now, he is in Ryerson University, Toronto, second year, majoring in journalism. His professors are very respectable journalists themselves. They have never hesitated to help when he is in need and they are extremely down-to-earth about things and they even hang out at the pubs together after the semesters.

He is basically thankful for the educational paths he has taken, as he knows that every choice will spiral into a myriad of opportunities and journeys, which will translate into more choices and crossroads. Every decision that is made, be it right or wrong, good or bad, has led him to where he is right now and he is perfectly glad about his present station in life. He is in very good stead to work towards being a truly outstanding journalist in his generation.

When I asked about where he sees himself five years from now, he foresees himself having graduated from university and will be working in a respectable paper as a journalist, which is his dream and that which he is working towards.

With the ardour and the determination that Ethan has, I personally have no doubt that he will certainly fulfill what he has set out to do. What I will certainly be doing though is to anticipate the great story that Ethan will be writing next and when I read it, I know he has put it before himself.

P/S: If you would like to find out more or connect with Ethan, you may do so via the following:
- website:http://ethanlou.com/ 
- LinkedIn A/c:http://ca.linkedin.com/pub/ethan-lou/40/a73/905
- twitter: https://twitter.com/Ethan_Lou
- clippings:http://www.clippings.me/users/ethan

Muhd Hafiz - Story # 1

Muhd Hafiz, was playful when he was a kid. He played a lot of sports and the game, "Catch" with his siblings and friends during his childhood days. Passing the national exam, PSLE, was a miracle. He remembered that he was often times scolded by his teachers when he was in primary school and had to be called for remedial classes in secondary school just to beef up his Math, a subject he never liked. He considered himself to be "slow" as he felt that he was always "2 steps behind" his class. 

The pass in his GCE 'N' Levels brought so much joy to him, he began to have the motivation to put more effort into his studies, so as to make it to a polytechnic. Unfortunately, his efforts did not pay off for him as he failed the "O" Levels and had to go to ITE for a NITEC course.

The failure was a major setback for him. Yet, despite being distraught, he had to pull himself out of the miry clay and take the awkward step forward to embark on the journey to ITE's  NITEC in Multimedia.

It was then that he learnt editing using software, circuitry and videography, animation. In order to support himself financially, he had to work part-time when he was studying in the ITE.

Right now, as Hafiz reflects on his educational journey, he wished he had been able to foresee his future back then and had worked harder in his studies.

Although I sensed that Hafiz felt somewhat regretful about his playful past, I can see that the failures and setbacks he had suffered have actually helped to define him. I can see a truly contrite spirit in him, someone who realizes his mistake, picks up the pieces and willingly moves on. He says,"No one can change the past, but one must learn from the past to have a brighter future."


I felt too that his past has certainly helped him become the fine young man he is today. He is well-respected and well-liked by his friends, who will not hesitate to approach him for advice. In fact, there is a reason why he seems to be the person everyone loves to go to with their problems. He thinks very logically and holds a balanced view to issues in life despite being only 23. From the answers to the series of questions I have posed to him, there is definitely depth in his philosophy towards life in general.

I asked him about how being poor has helped enrich his life.

He and his family know what it is to be in need, i.e., they know what it is not to have food on the table. They know what it is like not to have electricity in the house. He and his siblings did not eat in school as they had no pocket money, let alone having the luxury of owning the latest gaming console. His dad lost his job as he did not have the skills needed for it and he was retrenched. Yet, through it all, they are thankful, they appreciate what little they have and they learn to be resourceful. Poverty has taught them to be satisfied without a full meal, to use their imaginations to create their own games, to read to fight boredom, to save electricity to prevent having to study in the dark. To Hafiz, having his basic needs met is a big deal, the word "want" is not in his vocabulary. In fact, it is such hardship in life that taught him how not to depend on others.

Now, at age 23, he is a full-time student at ITE College East (Simei Campus). He is pursuing a 2-year Higher Nitec course in Information Technology. For him, going to ITE (Institute of Technical Education) has given him exposure to industrial  work experience, which is useful for him. His ambition is to become a teacher and he has photography as a hobby. He is certainly not someone from the elite school, but in terms of his value system, he is far better than many in his generation

What touches me most about Hafiz's sharing was the part about how his mum, Hannah Hassan, has the most influence on him. She has been his pillar of strength, a role model, always providing him with the encouragement and support throughout his growing up years. There is no exaggeration about it, and simply put in Hafiz's own words, it is Mum's "personality and mannerism". When asked about what was the one thing he remembers most about his childhood, Hafiz said it was the family bonding that he had. Hafiz's dad was a drummer and mum was a homemaker. Money was an issue. Hafiz and siblings had to have whatever meals Dad and Mum could afford to put on the table. It didn't matter to him the types of food he could or could not eat, all he could remember were those precious moments of being and eating together as a family.

Hafiz appreciates his teachers in school. They make him think about his future and they influence him in achieving his goals in life. He knows the importance of friendship but he is careful to stay away from evil influences.

You can tell from his facebook postings, Hafiz loves Singapore. He feels strongly for the welfare of Singaporeans. Notwithstanding, Hafiz would still love to have a chance to experience life in another country and to see if  the grass is really greener on the other side.

In fact, I suggested to him that in Canada, we do have programs to help him fulfil his dreams and talents, to facilitate him in becoming successful in the trade or profession he chooses to be in. He has very good values and this is likened to having a very strong foundation in life. In fact, if given the right opportunity to pursue his dreams, Hafiz will have a great future and will definitely contribute to the nation-building process of Singapore.

Lastly, when asked why he was willing to let the world know about himself. Hafiz responded that he hopes his story will inspire others to achieve their goals in life. This to him, is an opportunity to convey his message that "Nothing can stop anyone from achieving his goal in life." Not poverty and not even if you have to spend more years in school, like himself. It doesn't matter how long one takes to reach his destination, as long as he keeps going.
  
On behalf of all Singaporeans, thank you, Muhd Hafiz for unreservedly sharing your story. Look out for him, Singapore!

Parenting Woes

Adam Lanza has shocked the world. Besides the public outcry for tougher gun control laws, many guesses have been made about the reasons behind his actions.  I heard that one newspaper even speculated that his mother aimed the gun at him in their home before the mass shooting took place, which led us to ask if Adam's mother had killed him or did he kill his mother? Then, there was a blogger who did a blog post (which went viral), claiming that she was Adam Lanza's mother as she has a son with a mental situation. Some are even guessing that Adam Lanza actually cleverly "planned" the shooting, so it was not his mental condition that drove him to commit the senseless act. One observation which struck me most was that he had "destroyed" his computer before the attack. 

However, I personally feel that Adam's senseless act could be attributed to two key reasons and these are only my guess. Firstly, his family condition of his parents' broken marriage and secondly, he could have been playing a violent game on the internet.

What I really want to deal with today is how the internet has infiltrated society and "engulfed" us. We get restless or rather, rest just can't find its place in us. We do find ourselves checking the internet on our smartphones all day, be it in a meeting, in the subway or even having a meal. This is no good. The effects the internet have on us are subtle and it often times, attacks our mind, i.e, we just can't be still. Every hour, every minute, every second, we are doing something, I mean, our mind is "busy", be it playing the electronic game, checking the latest news or replying a tweet.

This could very well be a fact in today's society - the internet is controlling us.

Let me have a show of hands now. How many parents are exasperated with your children's obsession in the electronic device, be it the computer, the laptop, the iPad or the smart phone? How many traditional parents wonder how your children ever study the way they do, by just looking at the computers, when you have been brought up the "pen and paper" way? How many parents have to scream at your children to have their dinner or put their socks in the washer when they are totally engrossed in the internet? Do you feel like you are "pulling" them or forcing them to "break free" from their constant addiction?

I want to make this observation in the capacity of  a professional writer on parenting issues - the electronic device and/or the internet has captivated the children, the teenagers and the young adults to such an extent that it fills their minds and their lives. This is not healthy and there must be intervention.

Intervention? Yes, definitely, but easier said than done. This is made worse by the fact that as parents, we too, are constantly, on our iphones, email, facebook, twitter etc. Breaking free from the seemingly harmless electronic device is a huge challenge. Without the internet, we end up feeling so restless, don't we? The attachment to the electronic device must be moderated.

I am not suggesting that we let go of technology nor am I saying that we give it up totally. However, if we do not want the smart phones, the electronic device or the internet to control our children's mindset, behaviour or lifestyle, then start a diet on the internet and electronic device today. Implement this diet when your children are still little, or as soon as you have a chance to.

For older children, you may not want to "force" it on them. You may suggest going for an outing together or having a meal together but strictly no checking on smart phones during these moments of "bonding". Make a deal with them.

Of course, let me highlight that it can be a uphill task, painful process. Imagine getting a drug addict to get off his habit? Well, I am not exaggerating but this is the task we have today.

Dear parents, remember, start the internet/electronic device diet early, start it while your children are still young and start it while you still can. Don't let the electronic device/internet manage you and your children, instead take control now.

All the best in your endeavours!

Please stay tuned for the story of an amazing student from Singapore on Christmas Day! Stay tuned!

Studying Overseas - An Option?

I am an advocate of accumulating good habits, good values through education.

 A good education should bring about positive change to the person being educated. We have to ask ourselves these questions, "Is he a better person today than he was a year ago? Is he a better person now than he was yesterday?" "Has change taken place?"

Change does not just happen overnight. There may be changes in your children that you hope happen. There may be certain habits that you hope they can correct. Often times, if you fight for the changes on your own, it can be very painful and a struggle. This is particularly so, when they are teenagers and every word you utter does seem like a "nag", although you barely said it only twice. It can be really exasperating.

Does that mean that there is no hope but to just wait for the change to take place supernaturally? Does it mean that you just let things be? Does it mean that you start blaming yourself for not teaching him or her when he was little and it is now too late? This is all part of parenting pains.

Our children pick up habits when they see us in action. They basically learn their ways from us. Yes, we may have been careless with our words, with the way we have or have not reacted to things and with the way we have handled our emotions. Subtlely, the children pick them up from us.

Besides picking up habits from parents, our children's make-up can also be influenced greatly by the environment we subject them to. When we let them mix with friends who are brand-conscious, they grow to be brand-conscious. When we over-provide for them, they do not know what it is to be in need.

So, how does studying overseas come into the picture? How does it help our children? How does it help us? How does it help the country?

Studying overseas is a very palatable option if you want your children to change for the better. It is as if, you are saving up the hefty tuition dollars and invest in an overseas education which through the journey, your children pick up important values, habits and perspectives. But be careful, you have to choose the right partner to help you with this. You want a very excellent guardian who sincerely wants to see your children succeed.  This guardian must appreciate that you want to help your children, but you have your constraints. She must feel your hearbeat and she wants to see your children change for the better. She must fully understands the growing up pains and the parenting pains, a guardian who can be your trusted sub-contractor.

In life, when you find yourself not being able to handle everything all at once, such as your work, your spouse, yourself, your children and their education, learn to outsource. I am not advocating that you let go of parenting. What I am suggesting is, at certain stage in life, by allowing a third party to help you, you are pulling back a little, while being in control of the situtation. Your children will grow fonder of you, they will appreciate your presence even more, they learn that parents are the best gifts God has ever given to them until the day they have their own children.

At Channel Education, we are strict with our students and we train them in developing thrift, in being dependable, in being responsible, in remembering the lesson behind their mistakes, in being resourceful. Our program and curriculum are designed to benefit greatly the students under our care. We absolutely recognize how awesome that responsibilty of being a second parent to the students can be. 

So, how do we do it well? We focus on understanding the background of the students, the intricate details of his/her make-up and discharge our duties accordingly. Being Asian, the management specializes in helping parents from the Asia Pacific region. We want our name to be remembered for being different, for being special, for being able to step into your shoes and execute the part of parenting you wish you were better at.

Studying overseas is indeed an excellent option when you find the right partner to hold your children's hands.

Parenting Choices

Life in itself is about going through stages.

Let's just bear in mind that our children go through their own life stages as well. Although as parents, we often times wish that our children are precocious, such as to know more than what they should, to learn more than what they can and to be more than what they are,  it may not necessarily be good for them.

Actually, I feel that, as parents, we can be so prideful, so vain. Sometimes, we like to "show off" what our children can do and can be. Let us not feed our pride at the expense of our dearest possessions.

Some of you may think that I am old school, but personally, I feel that children should be allowed to develop at their pace. As parents, our primary responsibility is to identify and look out for their talents and interest. It will be wise to treat ourselves as facilitators of growth rather than parents who push our expectations down the throat of our children, whatever their age. Yet, having said that, it doesn't mean that we have to just let them be.

I have also previously mentioned in my personal blog that my biggest regret was to "force" my daughter to go for her piano grade 7 exam although she did not really have a passion for it. I wanted her to get her grade 7 just so that she could enter Raffles Girls' Secondary School, the top girl school in Singapore through a Direct School Admission exercise. In fact, we invested so much money in buying a U2 Yamaha Piano, yet in the end we had to give it away to a close relative. I came to the realization that I was basically "chasing the wind". Here's a reminder to all of us who call ourselves responsible parents, that if we choose to chase the wind, let's not do it at the expense of our own children. Do we realize that they are at our mercy, as they did not choose to be in this world but we are the ones who have decided to bring them here?

Making responsible choices is about truly understanding your children. It is about understanding them, it is not about you. Perhaps it is about time we ask ourselves if the pace we wish for  them to grow, is what is best for their wholesome development?

Recently, I made a comment in my tweet that I am an Asian Tiger Mum with a North American style. So, what am I trying to say? Am I a perfect mum? Not so. I am just saying that I will strike a balance. I will still be strict but  I will only watch them from the side. I will not indulge in them too much by over-providing but I'll certainly be there for them. 

Selling education is my profession. Yet, it is not about selling. It is about what my clients really need that will benefit them, that matters most to me. I want my client to remember me for helping them with their choices for their children. I in turn want them to know that it is also not about them when they decide to move their children to Canada. It is about what is good for their children.

Lastly, I want to say that in general, society highly respects doctors, lawyers and accountants as these are the occupations that most parents would have their children working towards. But allow me to end off by asking this thought-provoking question - would we rather have a son who is a firefighter who comes back to visit us and care for us when we are old or a son who is a lawyer whose wants outweighs his parents' basic needs? I am not suggesting that we have to depend on our sons. But what I'm asking is - in which situation is he better off?

Canada - Is it just snow and hockey?

When you hear the word Canada, what comes to your mind?

Maple leaves? Hockey? Snow?

Yes, hockey is the national game but there are also many other sports that Canadians engage in, such as baseball, basketball, soccer, skate-boarding and skiing. The number of sports that are played here is directly proportional to the number of communities living here.

Canada is an amazing place. It is a melting pot, where many immigrant families from South America to South Africa, from China to Singapore, from Australia to UK, come together, live together. Besides its official langauges, English and French, Mandarin, Cantonese, Spanish, Persian, German, Italian, Punjabi, South African dialects and many others are also widely spoken here.

The major cities and their population are Toronto (5.5 million), Montreal (3.8 million), Vancouver (2.3 million) and Ottawa (1.2 million).

My Black-American business associate once told me, that all Chinese look the same to him. Similarly for me, I feel all Koreans look the same and all Blacks look the same. Somehow, this is the feeling one gets when you first start out in Canada, a land of such diversity. Does one ever wonder how everyone with such different looks, colours and backgrounds, seem to have the same resolve of making Canada their home?

All the immigrant families leave their countries or their comfort zone for a reason - in search of a better life.

So, Canada - is it really a destination of choice?

I'll list the strengths of this country and let my audience make their own conclusions:

(1) Canada invests heavily in education - in fact, it is among the leaders in G8 in investment in education

(2) Canada adopts a highly flexible education system - besides facilitating eligible graduates to attain permanent residence, it also allows eligible students to work in Canada while and after studying in Canada. International students are exposed to opportunities to work via cooperative or internship programs.

(3) The systems of education in Canada are recognized internationally and programs offered by Canadian universities are widely accepted.

(4) In the World Happiness Report (2012 United Nations survey), Canada ranked 5th.

(5) According to the Global Peace Index (2012), Canada is 4th on annual ranking of world peacefulness.

(6) In the United Nations' list of Best Countries to live (1990 to 2012) - consistently ranks in the top 10.

Personally, I feel that the majority of people here are very accommodating and are ready to welcome ideas, opinions and cultures of other people. It is a multicultural society, yet so  homogeneous in loving Canada. Most importantly, for me,  I love the space, the cool weather, the pace and the richness of life here. 

Singapore Education - How to Cope with it?

It was not easy to pull my roots from my country of origin. It was a fabulous city with arguably, the best and the most industrious workforce in the world. I have so much to thank Singapore for, particularly, now as I look at my Chinese counterparts, who have to go through ESL classes, I am definitely at a clear advantage. I had very good training in Maths and in Accounting. I must say I enjoyed my days as a student, right up to the time I graduated from university.

I was blessed to land myself a much coveted bank trainee job in the largest banking group in Singapore, immediately upon graduation. I worked in the heart of Shenton Way, the most expensive part of the business district. It was like walking down the lane of glamour every day I went to work.I really enjoyed those days. Oh yes, to add more flavor to it all, I had my fair share of "office romance" where I ended up marrying the person I dated at my first job.

Then reality struck, Singapore has since grown at a phenomenal rate. With growth, the pace of life got faster. People were buying more luxurious cars, more branded stuff, more expensive houses. As a nation, its GDP growth was something that the government should be really proud of. The education system too, became more complicated and competitive. There were more variations to the way children were being streamed and the way schools were being ranked. I guess the biggest victim of a nation's growth is ironically the children, whom the advancement should benefit ultimately.

I have my children during this huge phase of growth. The things my children (one from HCI and the other from RGS) learnt in school were way ahead of what children from other nations were learning. This is very good for the children and put them in really good stead to compete on the world arena. Singapore has to move in this direction. It is not wrong for the government to steer the education in this direction. In order for Singapore to make its mark, it has to effectively use its only valuable resources which are the brains and attitudes of its people. They have to start from the schools.

The only problem with this is the stress it can create on parents and teachers overall. I realized that I was almost going crazy trying to cope both as a high-flyng banker and a dedicated mum. So, it was through much deliberation and prayers, I embarked on the journey to Canada. 

Coming to Toronto, was a risky move but thankfully, things have turned out to be very good for the children. We are benefiting from the move.

I am doing relatively well because of the advantage that Singapore system has prepared me for. It is now for me to give back to Singapore. Many parents have the same dilemma. They want to keep their jobs yet they have to effectively help their children with their studies, which is no mean feat. We are after all human. The best thing we can do about the situation is to outsource. So, many parents ended up spending tons of money on tuition. But is the tuition dollar really well spent? Do your children pick up any values from the tuition classes?

If parents can spend the amount of tuition dollars, they might as well save them up and invest in an education in Canada, a very safe country, where there are many top to mid-range high schools, colleges and universities. This in itself, requires a whole blog post, which I will leave it for another time.